My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
