so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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