just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
