Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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