you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
