So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
