i need an iv and a liver transplant
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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