My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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