so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
