apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
