My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
