Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
