Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
