and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
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Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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