one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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