I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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