I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
