I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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