Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
