oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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