His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
