so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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