she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They took my balls.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
