i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize