I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
