Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
