I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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