I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Randomize