His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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