My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
