Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
