he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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