Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
