All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
