I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
