I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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