I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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