Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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