My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
