I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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