Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
