i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
