I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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