just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have aggressive nipples.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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