They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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