my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
