was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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