I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
