Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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