Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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