i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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