Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
