i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
