How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
