apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
