I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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