i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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