When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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