I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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