He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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