gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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