I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize