well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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