She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
