thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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