You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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