Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
