How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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