This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
