Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Michael Bay diarrhea
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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