The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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