The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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