Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
