This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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