I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
